AlertEgg

I’ve been working out more consistently recently and I am quite proud of myself. It’s too early to see any physical changes but I’ve already found I am quite stronger than I was a month ago or so. This ties in to my last post (basically, dysphoria hit like a semi-truck yesterday), but all today I have had this strong urge to hurt myself because I perceive myself to be very feminine. I had the idea that instead of cutting, I could just lift weights until failure to also have pain, just a more productive and healthy form of SH basically. Hurting myself isn’t my main motivation for working out, obviously, but I find that it kills two birds on the really bad dysphoric days by helping build a more masc body AND acting as a way to hurt oneself. I do not encourage self-harm whatsoever, I am just venting.

There are some days where I’ve done so much running that it becomes painful to walk, which only worsens if I don’t rest, and I’ve recently had some issues with knee pains. How can these be mitigated/treated/avoided?

I’ve just recently become more consistent in working out (from once ever few months to now at least once a week.) What are some tips to stay motivated and how do you stay consistent?

I transitioned young and pass pretty well (pre T and surgery), so much so that other trans friends I know have told me they didn’t know/couldn’t tell. I dress masc, I’ve deepened my voice, etc. However, today, I got hit with a huge wave of dysphoria after seeing a meme on Reddit comparing 26 year old trans men to puppies. I’ve been more consistently working out recently for the first time in years, though it’s too soon to see any changes. After getting this dysphoria I worked out twice today. I’m someone who is extremely disconnected from my trans identity. Due to trauma I don’t remember most of my life before around two years ago when I was already transitioned and so I’ve been identifying as cis pretty much everywhere, not just as stealth but because that’s genuinely how I see myself. Despite this disconnection from being AFAB (just writing that feels wrong), I’ve gotten dysphoria here and there, but it is the worst it is today than it’s been since before my transition. I feel way too feminine, I’m too short, I sound like a girl. A lot of people IRL use they/them for me, which just kills me and hurts more than she/her does. I’m trying to work out more and voice train more but it’s been hard between wanting to cry. So yeah, was just venting, if anyone has any tips on how to get through this, that would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.