PieFedHow to handle people using they/them instead of gendered pronouns?
This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.
It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?
But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.
I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?
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Uh… You literally explained it yourself. This is exactly why people use they/them when they don’t have more information. What’s the alternative, to not speak about non-binary, trans, or gender-fluid people at all? Or to confront every person you meet and demand their pronouns?? Personally, I start with they/them, and change it depending on the person’s preference.
I’m sorry it rubs you the wrong way, but in my opinion you’re being oversensitive. It’s not misgendering, it’s neutral. Maybe it’s just a linguistic limitation, but there’s no other way to refer to someone without prejudging their gender identity, especially if you don’t know their name. Obviously, if you know someone’s preferred pronouns and choose not to use them, that’s a problem and a different issue; definitely correct those people! But don’t make perfect the enemy of good by shaming well-intentioned allies…
I thought it was generally accpetable until a preference was identified. Like if you just met said person or referred to a fluid/trans person from afar, them/they is an acceptable default.