How to handle people using they/them instead of gendered pronouns?

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This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.

It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?

But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.

I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?

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Trans-folk are the only people I try to avoid using they to describe. I know it can cause discomfort, and potentially lead to others getting confused about pronouns if anyone listening doesn’t know my grammatical quirks.

For everyone else I may use they for a variety of reasons. One of the most common: if a person’s gender hasn’t had clues about it in the conversation, I’m likely to just default to they. Like if I’m just calling my partner “my partner” rather than their name, I won’t then specify gender with pronouns. Disclosing gender when it doesn’t matter can feel weird.

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