Florida teens kidnap Las Vegas man, drive him to Arizona desert, steal $4M in cryptocurrency

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www.8newsnow.com/investigators/florida-teens-ki…

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This is a GTA mission type crime

How can you steal crypto? It was transferred and now ownership is certain and assured, right? That's a feature, right?

Rubber hose cryptanalysis: beat someone until they tell you the key

No, I was joking how cryptobros always say that owning it all you need to show that you own it.

It belongs to the people who have it, so it can't have been stolen. It was legitimately transferred on the immutable blockchain. Etc etc

Your reference was clear, but I guess I just don't get the joke when literally any storage mechanism is vulnerable to violence. Like "ha ha! Your stupid claims about self custody are now invalid!" when there is really nothing in the news item that really demonstrates something that the crypto bros don't already understand.

There's plenty of room for crypto criticism, but I guess the punch line just didn't resonate with me. It probably did with others, though; I'm kind of slow, so a lot of jokes are lost on me.

One no longer in country. CECOT? out by luck?