screen addiction

i’m sat here missing another morning because of screen use. it was a good morning where i woke up well rested and had an early breakfast- yet i picked up a phonescreen, with good intentions, before preparing for the day- shower, clothes, y’know. now i am sat here three hours later and the hill to get those things done is steeper than ever. i missed the morning schedule by not walking out the door- and i don’t feel like rushing myself yet again is gonna leave me anything but with more difficulty tomorrow.

i recorded an audio log for my diary while watching a video i just posted here (pausing it to collect my thoughts for my diary) and there i snowballed in a very vulnerable tirade that got to the root of why i want my addiction: to hide thoughts that bear down on me, especially since i'm lonely and hold no real social roots anymore. since i don't wanna sit around and feel bad i continue a screen & internet addiction to cope. so this gave me some direction: what to use to cope instead? is there a way for me to talk to others about what i'm burdened by- before going out to try to meet people again? that would undo the need that addiction fills for me. two concrete goals.

tonight i wrote a post in a drug-help forum in my country. then i shared it with a few near and dear to gauge their reaction to me writing in such severe honesty - i have told them alot but never gotten much recognition. this time it was wellwishes. som initial response i got i wanna share: "so you're a junkie now?" to which i lauded "sure, e-junkie."