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Explanation: One of Caesar’s major justifications for warring in Gaul with a massive military force was… that he was literally asked to.
You see, some of the Gallic tribes had requested help from a neighboring Germanic warlord, Ariovistus, in the neverending tribal disputes of Gaul. But said Germanic warlord decided he rather liked Gaul, and instead settled in as an overlord, extracting tribute from the Gauls who had asked him for protection.
The Gauls then asked Caesar, who had pursued a migrating tribe into Gaul in order to ‘protect’ Gallic interests, to expel Ariovistus for them. Caesar did so. And then Caesar decided he rather liked Gaul, and instead settled Rome in as overlord, extracting tribute from the Gauls who had asked him for protection…
Was the deal the Gauls got from Caesar better or worse than the one they’d gotten from Ariovistus?
Better if you’re asking about conditions. Worse if you’re asking about long-term prospects for occupation.
Caesar offered pretty lenient terms for integration into Roman hegemony, even to most of the defeated and rebellious tribes. Tribes were allowed to keep their own traditional forms of government and their elites, with their only major obligations being to supply troops and resources when called on for war, and to respect Roman law when dealing with Roman citizens. Not only that, but lenient terms aside, integration into Roman hegemony came with a number of legitimate benefits, security not least of all. Ariovistus offered no real gains, just subjugation.
However
Ariovistus would not have been able to keep up a Germanic occupation indefinitely - at best, his occupation would have lasted as long as he did, and then fallen apart once the ad-hoc system of German cheiftaindom dissolved the unity of his warband upon his death, or became slowly integrated into the Gallic lands he occupied. At worst (for Ariovistus), it would have fallen apart before as Germanic tribesmen drifted piecemeal back into Germania seeking different prospects year-after-year. Ariovistus had no significant power base he could call on outside of Gaul, and no institutions that could last longer than his charismatic leadership of his band.
Caesar, on the other hand, was the representative of one of the most institutionalized and powerful polities in the world at the time, and which was only going to get more institutionalized in the coming years. When Rome set down roots, it was going to last for generations, and even tossing one Roman army out would not have prevented another (or ten) from coming back with a vengeance. Roman institutions, furthermore, had a curious way of bending locals to their favor - the integration of local elites meant that the provincials themselves would begin (even if only out of self-interest) defending these Roman institutions after a few decades of integration*.
So if your concern was sovereignty (and with the benefit of hindsight), Ariovistus was preferable. If your concern was material conditions, Caesar and Rome were preferable.
*Put another way, “The king granted me these lands” means jack-shit when the king is dead and his dynasty is gone. Ad hoc governance dies with the ad hoc lawgiver. “The standardized law that literally everyone has been using to resolve disputes for the past 20 years establishes my ownership of this land” means much more, because disputing YOUR claim suddenly means unraveling a whole host of conflict resolutions, past, present, and future/ongoing, including with neighboring groups. So if the proposal comes around to overthrow a king, only those who directly benefited from him really have a ride-or-die material interest in defending him… but when it comes to overthrowing a system of law, anyone who has any substantial property has an interest in not seeing the law overthrown.
It was definitely stuff like infrastructure, taxes, and civil rights that I was wondering about. Basically, I was imagining a mashup of John Cleese characters, asking “what have the Romans ever done for us” in an outrageous French accent.
The infrastructure definitely goes without saying! Roman construction efforts started basically immediately, and would only ramp up with time. Clean water and heterosexual roads!
Taxes would’ve varied wildly since Gaul was made of many different Gallic polities. In the Late Republic, provincial taxation could be very exploitative, especially to new acquisitions, because it was ‘farmed out’ to private collectors. At the same time, it’s widely acknowledged (at least by Roman sources, which are hardly unbiased) that Roman taxation had the near-exclusive purpose of funding the military, which would have defended the provincials’ interests (and also, conveniently, suppressed them if they disagreed too loudly). The Roman Republic derived very little excess income from taxation. There was no massive civil bureaucracy being paid, and even public works projects were generally not paid for by the central government (until the Empire, at which point it is generally the Emperor himself paying for it as a symbol of his MAGNAMINITY).
Civil rights would have depended heavily on what side you took in the Gallic Wars. Those who were consistently rebellious would’ve ended up with their regions as provincials, who effectively lacked any rights except the rights of free people. You would enjoy protection from arbitrary punishment and non-government abuse, but not protection from Roman magistrates going through proper procedure leveling any ‘standard’ punishment they wanted upon you, up to and including death. Anything that could be justified in a vague report to the Senate as upholding public order would have been kosher, as long as it didn’t cause a fuss in the province itself that the Senate (or Emperor) would start asking questions about…
For example, during the Empire, some of the first Christians executed on record were executed for the crime of ’obstinacy’. Their obstinance? Refusing to recant some strange cult when the local governor told them to. Believing wasn’t a crime, but refusing a governor’s orders was!
At the same time, even notably harsh governors recognized that unrest provoked by excessive authoritarianism would mean the end of their careers. Pontius Pilate, of Biblical fame, has a number of his actions recorded by Jewish and provincial sources unfavorably, but even though he’s near-universally scorned for being heavy-handed, he is ALSO often recorded as rescinding and compromising with the locals. Not, one presumes, because he was Harvey Two-Face flipping a coin to decide to be whether a shithead or not, but because even the “LAW AND ORDER” shitheads realize that a riot means answering to the central government why the fuck there’s unrest in YOUR province, and that’s potentially career-ending.
On the upside, the chance of the local Roman magistrate noticing anyone for petty reasons was pretty low, since each official would be handling generally literal hundreds-of-thousands or millions of people. The centralized Roman bureaucracy was small.
On the other hand, those who sided more-or-less with the Romans during the Gallic Wars would have been granted Latin rights, or even Roman citizenship, for their entire polity. Under Latin rights, they would benefit effectively from all but a handful of the protections that Roman citizens themselves enjoyed, and would have a ‘fast-track’ to Roman citizenship as well if they put their minds to it. So if you picked the right side at least half of the time, you could end up in a pretty secure position, with many Gauls reaching high positions in the Empire just two generations later (it could have been sooner, but Augustus was an Italian chauvinist who expelled the Gallic-born Senators that Julius Caesar appointed).
First of all, I just want us all to step back and appreciate the fact that you wrote a whole-ass essay in response to my half-baked Monty Python reference, and did it in less than 20 minutes flat.
Second…
So if you picked the right side at least half of the time, you could end up in a pretty secure position, with many Gauls reaching high positions in the Empire just two generations later (it could have been sooner, but Augustus was an Italian chauvinist who expelled the Gallic-born Senators that Julius Caesar appointed).
…those damn Optimates, amirite?
(Or was that just a personal quirk of Augustus and not a faction thing, or did the whole ’Optimates vs. Populares’ ideological alignment even still exist by the time he was in charge?)
First of all, I just want us all to step back and appreciate the fact that you wrote a whole-ass essay in response to my half-baked Monty Python reference, and did it in less than 20 minutes flat.
I’m just glad my response was welcome instead of tedious! XD
…those damn Optimates, amirite?
(Or was that just a personal quirk of Augustus and not a faction thing, or did the whole ’Optimates vs. Populares’ ideological alignment even still exist by the time he was in charge?)
Optimates vs. Populares faded in large part because Augustus took a different path from the normal “reform vs. reaction” struggle that dominated the Late Republic.
Of course, he also could do so because he acquired autocratic power. But that’s another discussion entirely.
Basically, Augustus appeased the optimates by snipping the power of the People’s Assemblies (thus reducing the democratic input of the Roman citizen population) and refusing debt relief or mass land redistribution in Italy, all three major populare causes. But he also appeased the populares by offering land redistribution in the provinces, standardizing reimbursement for the (largely working-class) Legions, and investing the massive fortune (including vast estates that would generate income indefinitely - a big part of the Roman Imperial budget going forward) he gained from Caesar’s will and seizing the wealth of all of his enemies (including the entirety of Egypt) into public works projects (and, yes, public games and races - funny enough, not so much the grain dole) that gave material benefits and employment to the working poor of Rome. And he also appeased the provinces by increasing both autonomy of local municipalities and standardizing provincial structures to reduce the ability of governors to abuse their positions with arbitrary action.
I’m unusual for a Romaboo in that I fucking hate Augustus. But I’ll never deny that he was a clever and skilled politician.

Basically, his solution was fundamentally to give more power to the elite, but a more ‘select’ elite that still answered to other elites. So conservative, but not the same route that the optimates were trying to take, which was just “Deny the poors any aid and take everything for the unaccountable oligarchic class forever while degrading extant institutions into dust”, while Augustus was more “Give the poors half the scraps from optimizing efficiency of extant institutions, and enjoy the popular acclaim and disgusting wealth that result.”
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Explanation: One of Caesar’s major justifications for warring in Gaul with a massive military force was… that he was literally asked to.
You see, some of the Gallic tribes had requested help from a neighboring Germanic warlord, Ariovistus, in the neverending tribal disputes of Gaul. But said Germanic warlord decided he rather liked Gaul, and instead settled in as an overlord, extracting tribute from the Gauls who had asked him for protection.
The Gauls then asked Caesar, who had pursued a migrating tribe into Gaul in order to ‘protect’ Gallic interests, to expel Ariovistus for them. Caesar did so. And then Caesar decided he rather liked Gaul, and instead settled Rome in as overlord, extracting tribute from the Gauls who had asked him for protection…